I hate advertising

I am one of the people who is fake engaged on Facebook, so I suppose I'm partially to blame for this frustration.  But what if I was for real engaged?  Would it be helpful for me to see this...

Really?  This is a service you're advertising, Facebook?  Is it not enough that her name shows up in my profile that now I have to repeat it with a moronic font and design?  Tattooing a significant other's name on anything, virtual or otherwise, is just plain stupid.  When/If I do become engaged for reals, my fiancée insistence that I brand myself with her moniker will be a sign that I have chosen the wrong girl.

That brings me to my broader point... that advertising has become utterly ridiculous.  Commercials are basically built-in opportunities to use the bathroom.  Concocting a plot thread for a spokesperson I don't like anyway is not the way to pull me into your restaurant.  I might even go so far as to say that Jack is the first victim of a traffic accident who I hoped wouldn't make it.  I must be alone in this, because apparently the "Hang in there Jack" campaign was deemed a success.  Go figure.  But Jack In the Box is not the only culprit.  I ask you... why would anyone order a Grand Slam when they could instead have Pancake Man?

Ads should not make me denigrate the good or service in question.  Ideally, they should be clever, and employing some form of wordplay.  But that may be too much to ask.  I, after all, do not fit the peak of the bell curve that is America.  But at the very least, I think we can all agree that commercials should not actively make me want to leave the room.  Maybe one day when reality shows are the only programs being broadcast the likes of Tina Fey and Ken Keeler will turn to hawking Trident.  Solving one problem, but introducing a whole new one.

For balance I'll leave you with a commercial that I not only don't hate, but actually quite enjoy.  Even though it's for a candy bar that I've never had from a country where I've never lived.

I hate April Fool's Day

I love pranks, but I hate April Fool's Day.  I feel like that's not as strange a stance as it probably sounds in a vacuum.

The reason I hate it is because every year without fail, people who aren't funny see it as their personal responsibilities get the better of a peer.  Here's the problem, though... more often than not, it isn't funny.  So this person has built up in their mind how awesome the thing they had planned is going to be, and since it isn't funny to anyone else when the cord is finally pulled it's met with, "Oh, so you're not really ___?"  Let's be honest, that blank is usually filled with the word "pregnant".  So at this point the prankster is the only one laughing.  Best case scenario, he or she has only tried to dupe one person, and there isn't a group of people standing around wishing they were somewhere else.  Do we as a society really need a day devoted to this kind of tomfoolery?

As I said, I love pranks.  Setting your roommate's clocks ahead?  Funny.  Leaving fake rodents or body parts in your office secretary's desk?  Funny.  Putting a bouillon cube in someone's shower head?  Hilarious!  If you want to do one of these things, just go for it.  You don't have to wait for the 91st day of the year.  In fact, doing it another day will make it even better, because no one will inherently suspect a prank is coming on June 16th.  And anyone who is that suspicious deserves to get gotten.  But if the only gags you can devise are either wholly unoriginal, or just plain unfunny, do us all a favor and leave it to the professionals.

I will admit that there are a few exceptions to my hatred of April Fool's Day.  I don't mind references to this, the mother of all non-holidays in ways that are either benign or call attention to how ridiculous it is.  I co-wrote a comic strip during my college days, and on April 1st the artist would put mustaches on one or several of the characters.  Today saw the release of a "Special Report" from a podcast to which I subscribe.  And as an unrepentant jerk, I'm a fan of the Liar's Day wiles of one John Gabriel.

I will leave you with a prank from the Office that always makes me laugh.  Who would expect this elaborate a prank at Christmas?  Not Dwight.  Well... maybe Dwight.  But he clearly deserves it.